Junior High Party

So ... I've been struggling with insomnia and a mild depression this past week. But in the midst of it God brought some events to cheer me up - the English Service at church yesterday and the party that my wife and some teachers threw for the Junior High kids on Thursday. Here are some of the activities they did at the party:

Insomnia

Some say Paul's "thorn in the flesh" had to do with his poor eye sight (Gal 4:15). For me, it's insomnia. I have had problem with insomnia all my life, but the last few years it has become difficult to bear. My body is relax, my soul at peace, but my mind just doesn't want to go to sleep. And so I would be wide awake all night and feel sleepy all day. A few days of insomnia and I will fall into a depression. Sometimes it even led to severe panic attacks. It is frustrating because there are too much to do and too little energy to do anything.

One time I talked to my counseling professor about my insomnia and he said it's biological, meaning it had to do with my physical / chemical make up. External circumstances can aggravate the problem, but it's basically an internal issue. I've tried acupuncture, holistic medicine, antidepression, vitamin, relaxation exercises, sleeping pills, counting sheep, etc. Oh yes, prayers too.

I've come to accept that insomnia is my "thorn in the flesh", a physical condition necessary for me to experience the power of God through my weakness (2 Co 12:9). It is true that through my lack of energy, I has been forced to sit still, to contemplate, and to know that He is God (Ps 46:10).

God knows what He is doing. But ... can I just get a good sleep right now, LORD!

A Belated Christmas Wish

Christmas came and went rather uneventfully for me. I was dead tired, and somewhat depressed. I think it stems from weeks of preparation, heightened by a weekend full of events and then a family party at my home on Monday. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed every moment of it. But it was just too many events, too many people, too many strong emotions and too little sleep for my health to handle well. And so I slept for 12+ hours on Christmas and spent the rest of the day as a vegetable. Totally unproductive. I didn't feel better until I journaled late at night. It's always good after a sincere communion with God!

I meant to write a "Merry Christmas" wish to those who care enough to read my blog, but I just couldn't work up the energy to do it. So ... Merry (belated) Christmas! Thank you for understanding. I've come to understand and accept my introverted nature. A few days of rest and isolation and hopefully I will feel better.

Mary Did You Know?

Today I decided to contemplate through a creative project. The process was time consuming, but it touched my soul. Check this out:

Did Mary know all this ahead of time? I don't think so. But she said YES. She let go of her own agenda to merge with God's, and Jesus was born. She trusted, and she obeyed. So simple, yet so difficult. You can probably tell what I'm struggling with - a selfish desire to know ahead and to be in control. It's been good contemplating on what Mary went through.

A conversation with Mary

My spiritual directors, Don and Charlotte Ferris, encourage us to "enter" the Scripture stories imaginatively, allowing the Word of God to become a living thing inside us. It's a great contemplative exercise started by St. Ignatius and practiced by the church for centuries. I've found this exercise very helpful in drawing me into the Word and allowing it to become living in my soul. It forces me to take time, to be still and know that He is God.

Two years ago, Charlotte suggested that we might have an imaginative conversation with Mary the mother of Jesus. No, we did not "pray" to her (lest someone thinks I've become a heretic ). But I did write an imaginative letter to Mary in my journal. I want to share this "letter" here in my blog, perhaps to introduce one of the many wonderful ways of meditating the Scripture. It may seem a "fast" read to you, but as I took time to contemplate and write, and now re-read it, it was very transformative for me. You may want to try it!

(I did clean up the letter and correct many grammar mistakes for this blog; my journal is never this "clean")

Excerpt from personal journal on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 A Reflection from Luke 1 & 2

Dear Mary - By the grace of God He chose you as the "favored one". Luke did not describe why you were considered “favored”. You seemed startled by that address yourself. I guess God called you "the favored one" because He foresaw what you were about to do: You said "YES" to Him! You let go of your own will. You were willing to integrate His will into your daily living, daily responsibilities. I so admire you, Mary!

I do not envy you. What a tough situation coming your way. Your cousin Elizabeth was delivered from the shame of barrenness, but you were about to "take on" a terrible shame for yourself - the shame of being pregnant out of wedlock. You would surely be divorced by a man you loved. You would face so many conflicts in your life. How difficult it must be, to raise and love Someone, only to witness Him suffering and eventually being wrongly executed by the most brutal punishment - the cross?

Did you know what you were getting yourself into, Mary??? What went through your mind when Joseph wanted to divorce you, albeit quietly? Did you want to give up? Did you consider an abortion? And in that humble delivery room, when you laid your Son in the manger, did you feel self pity? When the shepherds came and told you about the strange vision in the field, did it encourage you? The strange prophecies at the temple, did they startle you? What was it like raising “the Son of God”?

I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you, ever since you said "yes" to the angel Gabriel. Yes, all the generations have called you blessed, but your life, and especially your suffering, they were far from anything we would consider as “blessed”. That's not how we human being define "blessedness”.

But I've come to understand what "blessedness" means - it means living out what God intends for humankind to live, the kind of living modeled by the Holy Trinity in Their relationship, one that is characterized by deep intimacy and sacrificial love. And God called you to that kind of living. I don’t “envy” you, Mary, but I do sense a calling similar to yours: God desires to live and love and "give birth" to Christ through my life. God wants to extend His "incarnation" through me. What a privilege? What a blessing? What else can I do, but say the words you said, "Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word".

May it be so, LORD Jesus. Amen.

Hospital Update

Well the young man's has been through some roller-coaster with his health. Today marks one full week that he's been admitted, and the medical staff still haven't been able to diagnose the exact cause. He was in ICU for 3-4 days and then moved to an isolation room. He's been waiting for 4 days to be transferred to UCSF Hospital (with better specialists), but no room is available yet. This morning his doctor said he seemed better and could go home. No need to transfer. Then just now I heard a report that he had some reaction and would probably need to stay. His dad is tired and worried.

Please continue to pray for this young man. O Lord, make haste and save him. O God, come quickly and help him.

Hospital Visit

Spent 4 hours in the ICU today to accompany a dear couple by the bedside of their 19 years old son. I have visited many sick people in the hospital before, and it was never an easy experience. But seeing this bright, shy and innocent 19 years old young man relying on a web of IV tubes, medication and constant nurse care for his survival was particularly difficult. I was amazed how calm his parents were. I think I was more shaken than they. Some are gifted with much calmer nerves than others!

Please pray for this young man. Earnest prayer. After the praying for him, take time to thank God for your health. Spend some time in the hospital, and you'll come to appreciate the gift of life. It's a miracle!

Ha ... I Got Emoticons!

Thanks to this guy, I can now express myself better. He wrote a post on how to add emoticons to Blogger.

I love to use emoticons. It helps communicate my mood when I write. I have a weird sense of humor and it's not always obvious to people. When we first got married, my wife often struggled to discern whether I was joking or serious. May be I should just stop being such a joker!

Tax Time

Just as we left my parents' home Sunday night, my brother said "Remember to pay tax!" Wow ... I'd forgotten about it completely. December 10 is the deadline for property tax payment.

The check is now in the envelop, will be in the mail Monday. Phew!

I've been slow in bill payments in the past, but never as bad as this year. Must be a sign of getting old. Or a side effect of those insomnia pills. I've been so forgetful lately!

Advent Conspiracy

In his blog, Scott Hodge, lead pastor at the Orchard Community Church in Aurora, Illinois, introduces to his church the concept of Advent Conspiracy. I guess it's called a "conspiracy" because it is an intentional movement going against the consumeristic flow and seeking a simplified and meaningful Christmas experience. The idea resonates strongly with my theology and my desire. Scott suggests 3 specific things to do this season:

1. Resist the shopping craze.
2. Give Relational Gifts.
3. Redistribute wealth to those in need nearby and around the world.

He made an excellent video explaining the concept. It's worth a few minutes of your time:

Jingle Bell

Hannah is so silly. She's turning my whole family into elves! Click on it and you'll see what I mean (may have to wait a few seconds for it to load).

Oh ... and check out this one - Jacob & Austin have turned into an elves too!

VAY Youth Rally

The Friday night rally was my weekend highlight. About 50-60 people from 6 youth groups gathered at NGCF for a fun night of games, worship, skits, message and fellowship. I feel energized when hanging out with these young people, and I am thankful that they still welcome me. At least that's what I think ...



BTW, we watched the episode kickball from the NOOMA series. This is a series of compelling messages very fitting for the postmodern culture. I highly recommend it.

That's What Friends Are For

Last Friday Tai Ha Jacob and Austin brought their Wii system and lifted my depression with lots of crazy games and laughter. Thank you God for great friendships like theirs. Now would You please move them back to San Jose to live near us?

Shut-off

My wife came home and found this notice on the front door, "Water service has been discontinued for non-payment of your water bill". No water. No shower. No cooking. My wife got a break. We went out for Chinese food and used the rest room at KFC.

I'm bad at personal management. I'm always late on bill payment. I get overwhelmed when multitasking. It's just who I am. My personality. My weakness. That's why pastoring can be a very stressful job for me. If a man can't handle his personal household, how can he manage a community of God's people?

Thank You SJ2 Teachers

Showed this video in church today. I really meant what I said, "Thank you Teachers for your labor of love throughout the year. Your sacrifice has really made a difference in the lives of these children today, tomorrow and forever!"

Thank God for the Phamily

Had a great Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's house on Thursday. Everybody brought something and dinner was served buffet style. When the food were ready, my niece Heather suggested something that I'd never had the courage to suggest - everybody saying something he/she was thankful for. Despite the unfamiliar tradition and tempting dishes in front of us, we made through the round unscathed and I am thankful for the opportunity. Thank you Heather, my favorite "knee"!

I treasured the evening. When we were living in Canada a few years ago, Thanksgivings were the times I felt homesick the most. Watch this slideshow and you'll understand why.

We had a special guest of honor: Cô Hiền, our private teacher / tutor when we were young. It's her first visit to the US in 40 years, and her English is still flawless. Amazing! Cô Hiền has remained close to our family throughout the years. It was surreal for all 5 of us to be in the same picture with her again.

My Most Memorable Thanksgiving

This is my 33rd Thanksgiving celebration in North America. Each celebration with family and loved ones is always a special event in itself, but this week the Lord leads me back to the most special one of all - Thanksgiving 1989.

I started dating my wife 2 months earlier. She was living in Houston, TX, I in San Jose, CA. That Thanksgiving weekend was the third time I flew over to visit her. After the Thanksgiving dinner with her church and family, I took her to a piano bar in the Galleria Mall. She liked piano, I liked jazz. A perfect spot for a perfect plot. I presented to her a special photo album I'd recently purchased in Japan.

She looked embarrassed, "What is this for?"

I advanced, "It's our wedding album ... that is, if you are willing to marry me. Will you marry me?"

She blushed, "So soon???" A moment later she said "YES", and my life has not been the same.


BTW, I reminded her about the event a few days ago. She didn't remember that it was on Thanksgiving. I love her nevertheless, and I thank God for giving me the most memorable Thanksgiving ever. God is good!

Thanksgiving (con't)

10 more things I'm thankful for:

1. My family of origin, for giving me life and a context to understand grace.
2. The SJ2 church family, for being generous and faithful to their vision of grace.
3. The SJ2 Teachers, for dispensing grace into the lives of our young people. (Teachers: check back Friday for a special video about you)
4. The SJ2 Youth & Children, for making the grace in me come alive.
5. The VAY Youth & Children, for thrilling me with a grander vision of grace.
6. Giao Hat and the C&MA, for opening the door to grace.
7. Regent College, for instilling in me a deeper and wider understanding of grace.
8. The food I eat, the house I live in, the car I drive, the full tank of gas I could afford earlier today - what can I say? Grace provides!
9. All my illness and signs of growing old, for demonstrating the sufficiency of grace.
10. My life, with all its joy and sorrow, hope and despair, victory and woundedness, for I am discovering that it is a sacred journey filled with grace upon grace.

Thank you God.

Thanksgiving

10 things I am thankful for (in no particular order):

1. My wife, for her sacrificial love for the family.
2. My children, for being the best kids in the world.
3. God, for taking me out of the pit and giving me true life.
4. An increasing intimacy with God, especially since the beginning of Ignatius Spiritual Exercises this year.
5. Don and Charlotte Ferris, our beloved spiritual directors.
6. Mục Sư Thạch, my mentor in life and in ministry.
7. All my spiritual friends, for being leaders and companions in the journey.
8. All my un-churched friends, for helping me see the grace of God in and out-side the church.
9. All my pets, too many to name here.
10. The California Golden Bears, for steering my carnal energy in a non-destructive way.

More to come tomorrow.

English Service

Every month or so we offer a worship service for the younger, English-speaking crowd. We haven't had it for 3 months because I haven't been able to get a guest speaker for the Vietnamese congregation. Today Mục Sư Hồ Xuân Phong was in town and graciously made himself available. Cám ơn Mục Sư!

I'm not sure why, but I love English Service. Probably has something to do with the following reasons:

1. I think more like a Vietnamese American than a "pure" Vietnamese.


2. I feel more free to be myself in front of young people.


3. I have more compassion for young people.


4. I enjoy it more being with young people.

You see, I'm a 48 years old guy who still has confusion over his identity and his age! Lord, please have mercy.

Oh ... one more reason I discovered today why I like English Service: I get to eat some delicious birthday cakes. You have to be in my shoes to feel my pain - every month, my wife would collected fresh eggs from the backyard coop, use her magic and turn them into temptingly looking cakes, allow the sweet aroma to escape the oven and fill the house on Sunday morning, yet I was not allowed to touch until the birthday boys/girls cut them after class. Well, by the time I finished the Vietnamese Service and came down to their class, the cakes were gone. That's why I like English Service - I get to be first in line for the birthday cakes. YEAH!

Look at their happy faces before cake time, and you'll understand my pain ...

The Bears' Implosion

What's happened to my Cal Bears? They went 5-0 to start the season and was on the verge of becoming the number one team in the country. Then they imploded, losing 5 of the next 6 games. Today they lost to UW who's ranked last in the Pac-10. As I contemplate on this (yes I am learning to bring everything to God these days), there are two possible lessons for me:

1. I need to "go" to every game. Of the last 6 games, the only win they had was the one I showed up in person. Is this a "sign" for me to purchase season tickets next year?
2. I need to take Cal Football less seriously and spend more time with God and family and friends?

Which one do you think is God's message for me? :-)

It's Stolen!

I have 3 beat-up cars, a 1994 minivan, a 1991 pickup, and a 1986 sedan. My sister borrowed the sedan yesterday and parked it in front of my parents' house. Somebody stole it overnight! Yes, the 21 year old sedan that leaks oil and has a broken radio and broken AC! And a full tank of gas! I first thought my dad called a tow company to remove the unsightly scene from his window. Someone must be desperate. Lord have mercy!

My mom had been asking me to give the car away. I was hoping to sell it for a few hundred bucks, to recover the reg fee and insurance I'd paid earlier this year. Hannah wanted to save that car for her when she grows up. Oh well, God is probably teaching us a lesson for this Thanksgiving season, to focus on giving rather than getting. Should have listened to mom.

Parenting

Last Saturday we went to a parenting seminar at the Community of Grace church in Hayward. My kids went to the children class while my wife and I attended the seminar, sitting next to two of our favorites - pastor Andrew Ong and his wife Kally. Andrew and Kally recommended this seminar to us. I have attended several parenting classes in the past, and I must say the material we learned Saturday was among the best. It was Biblical, practical, and suitable for many complex family situations today.

A church member asked me this week, "how come you like to attend so many seminars and classes?" My response was (1) I need the education for myself, and (2) I need good teaching resources for my community. Being a lone staff/pastor of a very diverse church, I lack the expertise to teach to so many different needs. Well, I think the material we learned last weekend could be a very good resource for parents in and out-side the church. Check out their promo video. My dream is to join with a few Vietnamese churches in the area and offer these DVD classes on a monthly basis. What a great way to invite churched and unchurched parents, form for them a supporting community, and invest in the future for the Kingdom's sake.

Wanna join the dream?

Operation Christmas Child

I love Operation Christmas Child - a great opportunity for our children to give rather than receive, for the church to think ministry outside the church walls, and for the impoverished children of the world to be blessed. As we participated the first time last year, some wished that the children in Vietnam would receive these boxes as well. It turned out last year was also the first time Operation Christmas Child (OCC) went to Vietnam. Our churches gave 39 boxes last year, and OCC record shows that 44,106 boxes were delivered to Vietnam. That's more than 1000X Return On Investment. It just shows how much more profitable when we invest our treasure in heaven!

This year our church gave 59 boxes! I was hoping for only 50. This after a significant giving commitment during our Mission Sunday only a 3 weeks ago. I am so touched by the generosity of this congregation when it comes to mission giving. Great job, SJ2! I know you will be blessed!

Today I delivered these 59 boxes to the OCC collection center in South San Jose. I decided to drive 15 miles instead of dropping them off only a few blocks away, because I wanted to meet Willine Welch, the OCC volunteer who inspired our church so much during her visit last year . Just seeing her face lifted my heart this afternoon. Thank you Willine for your faithful sacrifice.

Family Night

It's been a long time since we had a "quality" family night. My kids are loaded with homework so the weeknights are out. We have church activities every Friday night, and Saturday night I am always occupied with Sunday preparation, no matter how hard I worked earlier that week. Too many times my heart melted on Saturday evenings, when the kids asked "can we watch a movie tonight?" and I had to say "no, Bo have a lot to prepare for tomorrow." The time I'm most relax is Sunday night, after church service, but then the kids have to go to bed early for school on Monday.

Well, yesterday (Sunday) was the day, since there's no school on Monday (Veteran Day). We got home late, had a quick dinner, barely made it to the video store before it closed, lit the fireplace, got the popcorn ready, watched the movie. Joshua selected an excellent movie, Meet the Robinsons. Hannah sat on my lap throughout the movie. My wife had to spend 2 hours on the phone with someone in need, but I treasured the moment. Thank you God for family night!

Also, thank you God for the cozy woodstove.

Apology

My internet connection was out for a few days, and then came the weekend rush. My apology to those who have been checking my blog. Still have several emails to take care of. Hopefully will resume blogging soon. Until then, shalom!

Small World!

Last April I heard an NPR radio program interviewing a Vietnamese American journalist, Andrew Lam. It was the first time I heard of his name. I was taken by his insight into the social and cultural development of the Vietnamese people. I thought to myself, "I want to meet this young man - he has so much to learn from." Apparently, Andrew Lam is a hot shot who has received several writing & journalism awards. He wrote an award winning book, Perfume Dreams: Reflections on Vietnamese Diaspora, which I have been saving on my Amazon cart for several months. But I thought my chance of meeting him would be close to nil.

Well I just found out today that Andrew Lam was an old friend! I knew him as Lâm Quang Dũng from UC Berkeley. He and I talked at the reunion party 2 weeks ago, but I didn't know I was talking to the celebrity I'd been admiring. I'm excited! So today I googled his name on the internet - PBS did a touching story on his journey. I purchased his book from Amazon. I'm looking up his contact to invite him to lunch sometime. I'm excited, but I'm not sure why. May be because of the common bond we have - we both left behind engineering degrees from Berkeley to pursue callings in the field of humanity.

BTW, I made the discovery from this Viet Tribune's article. Anh Bùi Văn Phú wrote this moving article to reminisce the UCB Vietnamese Student Association 25 years ago. For those who attended UCB, this is a must read!

Go Bears

How do you help a football team that is really struggling? By going to the game and cheering them person. Thanks to our help, the Bears broke their 3 game losing streak and beat WSU today. However, it was an ugly win, 20-17. I think coach Jeff Tedford has been too conservative. He should swap quarterbacks, mix up the defense, and add a few radical plays to the play book. May be he and I should switch jobs. With his conservative mindset, may be he can do a better job at pastoring than me. But God must know what He's doing, for the sake of the Bears and for the sake of the church! Go Bears and Go SJ2.

What Breaks My Heart

This is a bad week. Since Sunday I've heard about 5 married couples having problems and considering divorce. Some I don't know well, but some are close to me. All have children. This just breaks my heart, for the couples and especially for their kids. God please have mercy!

Innovation and Relevance

As we are revamping the church website, and I try to glean from many experts who are both more understanding of today's culture and more creative in their approach than I am. Below are two summary articles I found today:

• 15 Innovations the Church Should Embrace
• 3 Church Marketing Essentials

Not all the points are applicable to a Vietnamese church, but if we are to be relevant to the younger generation, I think we must take lists like these seriously. Our technical team is trying to implement 2 on the list: website and blogging. This blog is a result of studying similar articles and books in the past. I'm finally convinced. I have an excellent book, the blogging church, if someone wants to borrow it.

Contemplation

Today my wife and I went to Santa Cruz for our bi-weekly Ignatius Spiritual retreat. We participated in small group sharing and individual time of prayer. Each participant also received 45 minute of individual spiritual direction (like a spiritual counseling session), during which the director helped us discern the voice of God in our lives. At the end we received instructions on how to spend time with God in the next 2 weeks.

I find this Spiritual Exercise an essential component for my life and my ministry. Without it I know my life would be out of balance and my ministry would not align with the will of God. It helps me remain in the right contemplation with God.

One of the youth characterized my blog as "so peaceful, so zen". His comment made me laugh. Yes I guess as I get older, I'm learning to draw closer to the Source of life through peaceful contemplation. But he will see a different side of me when we go to the Cal football game this weekend :-)

Speaking of contemplation, one of the retreat participant, a youth worker, told us what she had heard at the National Youth Workers Convention last week in San Diego: Half of the talks were emphasizing the hunger for contemplation among young people today! Apparently the top researchers observed that young people were tired of this fierce, competitive world and were very responsive to teaching on contemplation. This is encouraging to hear, that the younger generation is willing to be counter-cultural and ready in aligning themselves with God again. Great job, young people!

Who Says a Pastor Can't Catch Fish?

I'm afraid I am a better fisher of fish than of man!

Pastor Appreciation

The church surprised my family with a "pastor appreciation" cake today. It was beautiful and delicious! We received 3 cards, one from the church leaders, one from the youth group, and one from an individual family. Two of the cards were beautifully hand crafted! Normally, I'm not much of a "card" guy - I don't send greeting cards (not my "language of love"), and I don't pay much attention to cards sent to me. But today was different. After everybody had left, I sat in the parking lot alone reading and treasuring every single word on those cards, tears welling up in my eyes. Being a pastor can be a lonely vocation, but these cards made a big difference. Thank you, friends!

The youth group gave us 2 gift cards labeled "A Perfect Day Spas". What are these for? I don't know what to do in a spa. Can somebody help me out here?

Children Sunday

Today was the annual Children Sunday for the kids of our church. Kids led worship, prayers, offering, drama and songs. I love seeing young people having opportunities to offer their best to God. The most touching moment for me was when all the kids came up singing their special songs. Watching their faces, some fearful, some joyful, some poking another just for fun, but all feeling safe and belonged in a healthy community of God's people - it was one of those "God" moments for me. I sensed a still small voice from within, "this is the reason I called you here."

After the service, the kids were treated with lots of good food and games and candies. One of the kids wrote to me later, "thank you so much for letting us have this day!" But it's not me! I thank God for all the dedicated helpers and teachers. Many have sacrificed long hours and short supply of energy to make this day possible. And the teachers have sacrificed year round to make this community a possibility for the children. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. Your labor of love is truly not in vain.

VAY Youth Rally

Tonight (Friday) we had the monthly Youth Rally at NGCF church. About 50 people from 6-7 churches gathered to play games, worship, act out Biblical stories and mingle over food and music after the service. Nothing energizes me more than seeing young people enjoying Christian activities together. The rally reminds me of the SOWFUN ministry we started 18 years ago. 18 years and the passion is still there. It must be from God!

Trong & Thuy Tien showed up at the rally with their kids. It was a strangely familiar and pleasant sight. Trong was among the few who got me interested in the Christian faith, and Thuy Tien got me started in youth ministry. She helped started the Vietnamese Christian Youth Camp in 1987, the first ever in the Bay Area, when I was still a "baby" Christian. How I wish we could be partners-in-ministry again someday. My wife and I took them out for lunch earlier today, for Trong's 50th birthday. Happy Birthday old man. Thank you for the ride.

Ignatius Spiritual Exercises

My wife and I participate in the Ignatius Spiritual Exercises this year under the direction of Don and Charlotte Ferris. It's an 8-month long spiritual retreat, meeting once every 2 weeks, lining up nicely with the Christian calendar (Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Holy Week, Easter, Pentecost). This is the 2nd year we do this, and it keeps getting deeper and more powerful.

This week we meditate on the Foundation of the retreat. Here's the poetic form of the Foundation:

Lord my God, when Your love splilled over into creation

you thought of me.
I am
from love, of love, for love.

Let my heart, O God, always
recognize, cherish, and enjoy
Your goodness in all of creation.

Direct all that is me toward your praise.
Teach me reverence for every person, all things.
Energize me in your service.

Lord, God
may nothing ever distract me from your love …
neither health nor sickness
wealth nor poverty
honor nor dishonor
long life nor short life.

May I never seek nor choose to be
other than you intend or wish.

Amen.

Think about this Foundation. Print it out and pray it. Meditate on it. It expresses well the Biblical foundation of our existence. It's an invitation to return to the original intention of the human creation. I resonate with the language of this Foundation a lot better than with the Purpose Driven Life movement. Will blog about this another day. In the meanwhile you can read more about the Ignatius Spiritual Retreat in this long article in the National Catholic Reporter.

College Reunion

Last Saturday over 100 UC Berkeley Vietnamese alumni of 25 years gathered at Thanh Duoc restaurant for a reunion banquet. I came, and it was a surreal experience.

It was surreal because it was a reunion of friends that had become very close while spending 4 years of "hell" together during university. A very tight bond was developed as we survived the heavy academic load together - spending many sleepless nights camping out at Moffit library, taking long breaks on the 2nd floor, eating Topdogs at 2 AM, exchanging dirty jokes, and "lam van nghe" together throughout the school years. I left the reunion party with many lingering emotions. I guess the emotions are strong because my university experience was a very intense one, an experience filled with so many vivid memories, both pleasant and painful.

It was also surreal because I realized how much I have changed, or, rather, how God has changed me. My insecurity is lessened. My heart is more at peace. My purpose is more clear. My ears are more annoyed at hearing dirty jokes, but the love for my friends are more genuine. Attending the reunion was surreal but a good experience because it showed how much God has transformed me. Thank you Lord.

Next year I will take part in a team putting together the real 25 years reunion event. It will be in Berkeley, taking place through out the Memorial weekend, and hopefully drawing a more complete list of alumni. This group of friends is a strong part of my root, and I want to remain connected hoping for opportunities to share the power and hope of the Gospel.

The Immigrant Resettlement & Cultural Center (IRCC) of San Jose and their Dân Sinh TV program did a great story on how the UCB Vietnamese students evolve over the years. The TV program was already broadcasted last week, but you can still view it at the following site:

http://irccsanjose.com/contents/thds.aspx

Click on "UC Berkeley Hop Mat". There are 2 parts. The 2nd part has a closeup of my story. Not everything they said about me was correct (they portrayed a better person than I actually am). But overall I think they did an excellent job. They put me on TV and made me famous. I'm not complaining.

Leading and Following

Today anh Michael took me fishing. He picked me up at 5:30 AM. We met up with his friend Tham in Gilroy. Then Tham drove us to Monterey bay. We fished all day on a 12 foot boat. Tham and Michael did most of the rowing. They caught most of the fish. They did the driving on the way back. They gave me most of the fish. What a refreshing day!

I contemplated on the way back, "why am I having such a good time today?" I think I have an answer: I was being led for a change. No decision to make. No people to move. No message to preach. No program to run. No agenda to fulfill. Everyday I am so occupied with the responsibility to lead - leading my family, leading the church, leading people, leading programs, leading the activity calendar, leading the vision, leading the mundane. The responsibility is overwhelming at times. Today I got to do nothing but follow, for a change. And it was so refreshing. I didn't think a single thought about church during the whole trip! Hallelujah!

As I reflect on this refreshing experience, I realize something good happening within me. When I lead, I can be selfish in getting my agenda accomplished and my responsibility fulfilled. But when I follow, I am selfless. Recently I began praying that I could hear God's voice and sense His presence more clearly. God pointed out that my selfishness was part of the hindrance. Today He reaffirmed this conviction and revealed a way to be less selfish: find opportunities to follow instead of lead.

LORD, are you telling me to go fishing more often? It's a command I would gladly obey! :-)

And The Heart Rejoiced Again

I had a rare honor to serve at 2 marriage related events this weekend, an anniversary vow renewal on Friday and a wedding ceremony on Saturday. Compared to younger couples that I married in the past, both couples that I served this weekend are more seasoned in their lives. Each person has a story that is filled with pain and brokenness. But this weekend I witnessed once again the love of God breaking in our midst and replacing suffering with a sense of healing and hope. The tears I witnessed were not tears of despair, but of comfort and joy. Somehow a Vietnamese song by Đức Huy kept ringing in my head, "Và con tim đã vui trở lại" (and the heart rejoiced again). The heart can rejoice again because the gospel does have the power to restore!

Thank God for the experience this weekend, cuz it helped me stomach the loss to UCLA better! What happened to the California Golden Bears???

What Makes Me Happy

What makes me happy: serving breakfast-in-bed to my family on their birthdays. Notice the special treat: homemade juice, fresh egg from the chicken coop, and flower straight from the garden. No, the bread is not homemade. I miss the aroma of fresh baked bread, but no time for that anymore :-(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Hannah! I <3 U.

What Makes Me Laugh

This came to my inbox today. Thank you anh Michael for cheering me up!

Dear God: Thank you for bringing me to Timmy's house and not Michael Vick's - AMEN!

What Makes Me Sad

What makes me sad: seeing someone I care about feeling burned out and disillusioned. A key member of our technical team recently resigned because he was too tired. I'm sad not because we lost a very faithful and skillful worker, but because I haven't practiced what I preached. I'd preached about not getting too busy so that we could attend to the souls, and yet I got too busy with programs and neglected caring for the souls of my people. I preached people before programs, but I allowed myself to do the reverse. And so yesterday I lamented to my wife how I could just drop everything and spend more time one-on-one with people. But I couldn't. And I'm sad.

Just a few days ago a pastor-friend lamented that two of his best workers were feeling disconnected with God for several months, and that made me sad. He asked whether I could recommend any book. I couldn't. A good book might help some people, but for me I'd have to slow down, be still, journal, listen, and somehow God will become real to me again. I think my technical guy is very wise - resign and retreat, be still and be treated with a renewed presence of God. He knows what he's doing after all. May be I should do the same!

FIRST POST: An Invitation to Chat

My most fulfilling experiences of God often come through moments when I cease from all activities and be still before Him. The busyness of life is truly the greatest distraction in my relationship with God. I think this concept also applies to human relationship - the more we run around trying to accomplish "things," the less we get to know each other, the more alienated we become.

And so here is my invitation to you: come, kick off your shoes, sit a spell. Let's chat.